


Same Date Journal

by bronweathanharthad



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Diary/Journal, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-26
Updated: 2015-01-26
Packaged: 2018-03-09 03:11:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3234116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bronweathanharthad/pseuds/bronweathanharthad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frodo's October 6 diary entries, TA 3001-3022</p>
            </blockquote>





	Same Date Journal

6 October 3001

    Exactly two weeks have passed since Bilbo’s departure. I wonder how far he is from Rivendell. I do not doubt that he can do the entire journey by himself, but I for one would feel much better knowing that he was with at least one companion.

    I would have given nearly anything to go with him. Bag End – and Hobbiton as well – is boring without him. I miss his stories and his humor and his way of holding everyone spellbound when he tells of his adventure. More than anything I miss his company.

    He must not have left unless he trusted me to take care of myself and the estate. I am of age, and he did teach me a lot before his leaving.

    Perhaps I will visit him one day, but I should wait until things begin to settle down here. I have good reason to believe that the townsfolk will talk about Bilbo’s disappearance for years to come. If only Bilbo could hear their theories…

 

6 October 3002

    Bilbo suggested that I keep a daily journal. I suppose it’s a good habit to have, but I find it rather difficult.

    If more things happened, then journal-keeping would probably come more naturally. But nothing remotely interesting has happened in the Shire within my lifetime, apart from Bilbo’s disappearance, though it seems that most everyone has moved on from that occurrence.

    Gandalf stopped by briefly for my birthday, but he wasn’t here nearly as long as I would have liked. He says that Bilbo has settled in quite nicely and is quite content to be back in Rivendell. I expected that he would make it all the way there, but still it was comforting to hear Gandalf’s confirmation.

    I hope that Gandalf will visit when he can, though I don’t expect that to happen often. He must be awfully busy.

 

6 October 3003

    Autumn is a little warmer than usual, and the changing of the leaves is a little behind schedule. I hope this won’t be too harmful for the harvest.

    Sure, warm weather can be pleasant, but this summer was far too hot, and I’m starting to crave the feeling of sitting by a fire.

    Perhaps I am being impatient. It’s just that autumn has always been my favorite time of year, and I don’t much care for a shortened season.

 

6 October 3004

    I’m afraid that I cannot write much today. I have caught a nasty cold, and I haven’t been at all myself these last few days.

    Poor Sam has paid me so many visits. He always works himself into a frenzy when family and friends fall ill. At this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised if he caught the cold from me, but I certainly hope that won’t happen.

 

6 October 3005

    Gandalf left just this morning. He stayed a little longer than normal, and his company was enjoyable as always.

    His latest word is that Bilbo’s age is finally starting to show. He has slowed down a little bit but is still very much the same.

    If any hobbit is fit to live among elves, it is Bilbo. But I still wish that he had invited me along, if only for a brief visit.

 

6 October 3006

    Feverish. Can hardly sit up. Cannot write.

 

6 October 3007

    Early autumn this year. Most cider brews are not sold until the middle of the month, but there is already a high supply and high demand.

    I have never been terribly fond of alcohol, but autumn is always a great time for drinks. I am particularly fond of the cider brewed from Appledore’s farm. Many say his apples are the sweetest in the Shire, and I am inclined to believe that.

    Maybe we will have a snowy winter. Snow isn’t terribly common, but I welcome it.

 

6 October 3008

    I wonder if Bilbo’s ring was connected with his seeming agelessness.

    Gandalf says that Bilbo looks much older now that the ring is no longer in his possession, and I still look almost the same as when I came of age and inherited the ring. I would think that I would look at least a little older after seven years, yet I do not.

 

6 October 3009

    It has been more than a year since Gandalf’s last visit. I will admit that I am a little concerned, as he has visited me at least once per year since Bilbo left.

    When we last spoke he gave no indication of being preoccupied, but then again, much can happen within a few months, and he always seems to be busy with one task or another. Now that I think about it, it was quite something that he could visit me as often as he has.

    I will continue to live as normal. For now, at least, nothing appears to be out of the ordinary.

    And this is the Shire. It is almost unheard of for evil to reach us.

 

6 October 3010

    I dreamed about my parents last night. I haven’t dreamed about them in quite some time.

    I don’t remember what exactly happened, but I knew that they would soon die and they did not.

    I wonder what caused me to dream about them. Perhaps it’s tied to Gandalf’s absence. I view him very nearly as family, and his absence is making me more uneasy than I would have thought.

 

6 October 3011

    Poor Sam has gotten sick.

    I’m not much of a cook, so I cannot care for him as adequately as I’d like, but my parents knew a few recipes for medicinal tea, so I’ve tried to make up for my cooking skills with that. At least tea is easy on the stomach, so Sam will have some sustenance if he cannot handle regular food.

    He is always so miserable when he’s ill. I cannot help but feel sorry for him. But he is sturdy. He should be on the mend soon.

 

6 October 3012

    There is still no word from Gandalf. What on earth could be happening that would keep him away for this long?

    Life goes on very much the same. We continue to live simple lives, utterly oblivious to any outside evil. My kinsmen would say that there is no evil to be found, though I am starting to wonder if something bad is happening beyond our borders.

    Gandalf promised to Bilbo that he would keep an eye on me. Beyond that, Gandalf enjoys being in the Shire; who wouldn’t? I can only hope that whatever is occupying him is only a temporary problem.

 

6 October 3013

    I think my depression has returned.

    I do not know the cause, but I find that laughing does not come as naturally to me as it usually does. Nor am I particularly interested in taking part in autumn festivities.

    I hope it passes. I endured some dark days in my teen and early tween years, and I have no wish to suffer those thoughts again.

 

6 October 3014

    Sam keeps threatening to ask Rosie to court him, but he has not yet worked up the courage.

    I wish I could determine her feelings for him, but I have never been the best at reading people. Pippin doesn’t have that skill either, and Merry seldom sees her, so he can’t be of much help.

    She is warm and gracious around Sam, but she acts that way with nearly everyone. But she does seem to have a wider smile when Sam is around. Maybe she has feelings for him, or maybe not.

    Sam is too scared of rejection to speak to her. I certainly cannot blame him, but if he doesn’t speak up then he will never know.

 

6 October 3015

    Rumors of elf sightings have resurfaced.

    If they are here, they would be too far east for me to see them, for they are most likely leaving Middle-earth.

    I wonder if any of them come from Rivendell.

 

6 October 3016

    I am in a constant struggle between staying and leaving. I do not know if my wanderlust or my attachment to the Shire will win.

    I need to break free of the monotony. I desperately want to go on my own adventure. I do not care if my adventure is as grand as Bilbo’s. I just need to have one, just a taste of what he experienced. I want to show my kinsmen that there is a world outside the bounds and that that world is deserving of exploration.

    But I cannot venture alone. I would not know where to go, and I would want someone to cherish the journey with me.

    Perhaps I am more attached to my home than I realize, or perhaps now is not the right time for adventure.

    I am more doubtful that Gandalf will ever return, but I should stay here in case he does.

 

6 October 3017

    Next year I will be fifty years old. Bilbo was fifty-one when he embarked on his adventure.

    I feel that my time will not come at all, or if it does come I will be too old to take part.

    It is unfair. Bilbo has been on two adventures, yet I have seldom left Hobbiton and haven’t left the Shire at all.

    Perhaps I could just visit Bree. That would be an adventure in most hobbits’ minds, but I doubt that would be enough for me.

    I want to see the trolls that almost ate Bilbo and his company. I want to brave the Misty Mountains. I want to hear the Rivendell and Mirkwood elves’ recounting of the events. I want to be away long enough that coming home is a relief, but not so long that home becomes alien.

    Perhaps if Gandalf returns he might permit me to join him somewhere. But I dare not get my hopes up.

 

6 October 3018

    I am especially grateful of Strider’s presence now that we are past Bree. Getting to Bree was fairly easy, but none of us would have known where to go from there. Even though we are staying off the roads, the road to Rivendell will likely be a little faster with Strider’s knowledge of the land.

    We are camping at Weathertop tonight. It is an ancient watch-tower, abandoned quite some time ago and set atop the highest hill in the area. No place is perfectly safe with the Ringwraiths hunting us, but we might be in less danger here. We can see farther on the hill than on the ground, so if they come close tonight we might see them and make our escape.

    But I do not feel safe. When night falls, we might not see the Ringwraiths until it is too late. Fire would allow us to see farther, but it might alert them to our presence. I do not know which is the better choice.

    It is only one night. Tomorrow we will be closer still to Rivendell.

 

6 October 3019

    It has been one year, but it might as well be several lifetimes ago.

    Last year I was apprehensive, but I was perfectly fine. When I thought about the Ringwraiths catching us, I imagined that they would kill me. I did not expect – well, this.

    The wound hurts so much, and I am so cold. I cannot escape the cold. I can only endure it. There is no hope of even the slightest alleviation.

    Memories have plagued me all day. Dead eyes piercing me with their gaze. Pain so shocking and so gripping that I cannot cry out. Everything shrouded in mist. Terrible voices calling me to join them. The memories will not leave me be.

    I want to sleep, but I am afraid to close my eyes. I want tomorrow to come, but I fear the night. I know that everything will worsen when the sun sets, and I know that those whom I most love will be completely powerless to stop these things.

    My only comfort is that Bilbo is not here. He cannot know about this. He must not know about this.

 

6 October 3020

    It has been two years. Everything is worse.

    Why was I so weak? I knew of the danger. I had tasted it in Bree. I knew that if I put on the Ring they would know exactly where I was and they would be more powerful and I would be more vulnerable. But I was too weak.

    Maybe I deserve to suffer.

    I feel a constant aching pain, but a few times it has sharpened to a stabbing pain. Icy blades have replaced my blood, with every heartbeat sending countless pricks through my body.

    Blankets, thick clothes, fire – I have tried everything, but nothing warms me. It only burns my skin while the ice continues to flow.

    I am seeing things, things that I know do not exist, yet they fill me with fear every time. I dare not write down what I see for fear of seeing them again.

    There is no doubt. Some poison still lingers, and it will continue to corrupt my body every day that it is not purged. But there is no way to purge the poison.

    Saruman said that I would have neither health nor long life. Surely I will have neither as long as I remain here, but what will happen once I have left? Will I still have a short life even in the Undying Lands? Am I making the right choice in leaving?

    And when will Elrond come? I do not think I can last much longer.

    This wound will kill me. I know it.

 

6 October 3021

    Three years now. No cure has come yet. I have been away from Middle-earth for only a week. There has been no time for the elves to fully assess such a wound.

    I want to lie about my well-being. I want to pretend that the lingering problems are not as bad as they really are, for Bilbo’s sake. But I cannot. The pains are simply too great.

    I cannot escape the elves’ concerned gazes. I want to scream. I want to beg them to avert their eyes. I want to hide from everybody until tomorrow.

    I cannot tolerate another year of this. I cannot tolerate each year being worse than the last. There needs to be a cure. At the very least, there needs to be something that can make my pains more manageable.

 

6 October 3022

    It has been four years.

    The wound has been healed.

    I could weep for joy. I have wept for joy.

    The pain is gone. I have tried to imagine its presence and cannot do even that. The cold is gone, too. For the first time in years my left arm is just as warm as my right.

    The memories are still a problem. I think they always will be a problem, but they are not as bad as they were in past anniversaries. Perhaps they will lessen in the coming years.

    My soul feels lighter, but not yet relieved. I still have some way to go. I have had great days and dark days, and I know that I will have to deal with both, and the dark days do not seem as daunting now.

    I miss my friends dearly, but I know now that I made the right choice. I hope that they, too, will come to that conclusion.

**Author's Note:**

> -All of the dates are based on book canon. The years given are based on the years of the Third Age, not Shire-Reckoning.  
> -The timing of Frodo's departure of Middle-earth also comes from book canon. In the books, he is on Middle-earth for the one-year and two-year anniversaries of Weathertop, and he is in Valinor on the three-year anniversary. By comparison, in the movies he is on Middle-earth at least through the four-year anniversary.


End file.
